Domestic Violence: Hurts the spouse, damages the children

When dealing with a spouse or partner who turns violent some may think, “It’s just part of life.” One may even tolerate it because it only happens occasionally. But whenever a person is physically hit, is talked to in a demeaning way, or has to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, it can distort the stability of the family.
    These situations put children at risk because they can’t grow up in a comfortable environment. It can also make parents feel mentally or physically unable to take care of their kids properly. For many families, it can be a sensitive topic that can be scary to tackle.
    If this is happening to you, it can be difficult to admit that there is a problem. You probably don’t want to break up the family because it can make you look bad or you probably feel scared about how you’re going to survive on your own.
    But it needs to be done. A person needs to take a step back and re-evaluate their priorities. Are the children safe? Is it worth it to put up with the problems for the rest of their life?
    You’re not alone. In the U.S., about 25.5% of women reported an act of violence by their intimate partners.
    About one out of every four children in California is exposed to violence as a victim or witness, according to the San Diego Domestic Violence Council. Every day, 531 women and children in San Diego need shelter.
    It is a preventable public health problem that affects more than 32 million Americans, according to the Center for Disease Control.
    Studies show that women can suffer a variety of health consequences, like physical injury, gynecological problems and harmful pregnancy outcomes.
    Latinas who have been exposed to domestic violence face psychological difficulties and poorer social adjustments, like trauma-related symptoms, depression, social and personal self-esteem, and parenting stress, that are often constant. Mexican women in particular, who have a history of domestic violence, have a high number of personal injuries, experience miscarriages, struggle with depression and suicide attempts and may use drugs.
    For children, the psychological effects of experiencing or witnessing violence in a family can negatively affect how they will develop into an adult physically and mentally.
    “A young child, who’s in a relationship where the mother is being beaten, feels very sad or there’s definitely a lot of stress in the household, won’t develop normally,” said Dr. Waheeda Samady. “Language can be delayed, growth motor skills can be delayed, intelligence can be stunted [and] growth in itself can be blunted. They won’t eat the same.”
    Kids can then act out their problems at home in a school setting or in other social environments, like having temper tantrums that are not characteristic of their age group. Or, they may become a very introverted, closed-off child that is emotionally stunted, according to Dr. —Samady, who is a pediatric resident at UCSD’s School of Medicine.
    There are also the physical markers, like bruising, bleeding, broken bones or head injuries, which are due to children trying to protect their parent, being hurt after the parent has been hurt, or being the target of threat as punishment to the parent being hurt. Some children develop chronic illnesses because of a very high-stress lifestyle.
    Samady, who is involved with the Muslim American community on domestic violence prevention, has been framing the topic toward a positive solution. She has been working with young men and women, teaching them about what is considered as a healthy relationship and family stability.
    Whenever she comes across someone who is dealing with the issue, she takes a careful approach.
    “The few times I’ve seen it, I definitely felt like I needed to address it. There is definitely an approach [to talking to the families about the problem] because this woman could probably have been dealing with this for a long time. Some of the women have already tried to get help and they just feel like it’s a waste of time [because] they didn’t get the response that they wanted. And some women are in complete denial that it even exists,” Samady said.
    She asks women about it in a nonjudgmental way because she understands that terms like “violent” or “abusive” can label them in a negative light.
    The questions Samady asks her patients are also a good way of assessing one’s own lifestyle currently: Do you feel safe? Do you feel threatened? Do you feel respected? Are things fair? If the answers to those questions are not in your favor, then consider seeking help from your community center.
    Several groups in San Diego are implementing culturally sensitive solutions. For example, LLEA (Latinos y Latinas en Acción) is focusing on a collective approach, not a hierarchal or patriarchal way, of addressing the problem. Since many Latino households often include multiple generations in their extended family, like grandparents and other relatives, LLEA involves the entire family’s participation so that each member can develop a relationship where each person is considered as an equal.
    The Ahimsa Project for Safe Families, which helps Latino communities in the Mid-City area of San Diego with finding solutions to domestic violence, found that Latino parents were hesitant to talk about intimate partner violence, but were eager to discuss family harmony – such as confrontations between parents and children or disagreements between siblings.  In working with the community, the understanding of domestic violence was broadened to include violence within families and the message of family harmony was promoted.
    Despite being the fastest growing and largest ethnic group in Mid-City, the Latino community continues to experience marginalization and face discrimination because of cultural and language barriers.
    Because Latino communities deal with issues of gender equality, economic stresses and immigrant status differently, the Ahimsa Project, recommends using culturally specific strategies to educate women about their rights, help women become economically dependent and provide parenting classes.
    If you need help, the San Diego County has a 24-hour hotline number to call, 1-888-DVLINKS or 1-888-385-4657, for crisis calls, resources, referrals or shelter availability. Latino/a support services are also offered through the San Diego LGBT Center. You can find more information at <a href="http://www.thecentersd.org/latinoservices.php">http://www.thecentersd.o…;
Regina Ip is a public information intern with the Comprehensive Research Center in Health Disparities (CRCHD) and is majoring in Communications and Biology at UC San Diego. The CRCHD is a partnership of organizations focusing on community health and health disparities research. This publication was supported by the UC San Diego Comprehensive Research Center in Health Disparities Grant # 5 P60 MD000220 from the National Center on Minority Health and Health Disparities, National Institutes of Health.

Domestic Violence: Hurts the spouse, damages the children

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