First Person:
By Al Carlos Hernandez
I was getting drilled at the dentist the other day, musing over the fact that my lower lip felt like a rubber boxing glove, when I found myself in the middle of a conversation between the dentist on the right and the RDA on the extreme left. They were talking about taking their kids to “play dates.”
They used my stomach as a coffee table for the tools and, I suspect, a scone, but since I was sedated they probably thought I wouldn’t mind listening in. Besides, I had no choice. The joke’s on them: Being from the seventies, the Novocain was a waste of my time. I was clear as a bell.
Up until now I understood that “play date” was a low budget affair where you didn’t have to shave, didn’t have to iron pants, and wouldn’t get raked over the coals for wearing tennis shoes and beanie. As usual, I was wrong.
The post-mod definition pertains to young kids who are scheduled, against their will, to interact with the kids parents feel will help their children get a job or into a prestigious university someday.
Heidi Murkoff author of ‘What to Expect on a Play Date’ explains: Playing with another child is always fun, but it isn’t easy. Play dates provide a wonderful opportunity for small children to practice their social skills, work on their P’s and Q’s (I am guessing protest signs and quiche), and learn how to be a good friend. We are here to help you answer your child’s questions about play dates and friendship, what a play date is all about, why sharing, taking turns, and playing nicely make a play date more fun for everyone and what to do if a friend does something unfriendly.
Heidi, no doubt, is not a Republican.
Like most of you, as kids we never went on a “play date.” Our parents used to schlep us over to other people’s houses, usually relatives. Whether we wanted to go or not, never entered the conversation. If Mom took us, then she would sit at the table with the other ladies who were drinking coffee and talking about how lame their husbands were, while we ran around with our cousins (or whomever) trying to break their toys and hoping someone would get knocked out.
If Dad came with us he would bring his guitar and a house party would erupt: live music, salsa dancing et al. We would not run freely with Pops around until after the third song. Then he would forget that we were there, unless someone started crying. Then we all got benched.
The point is, anytime significant effort was made for us to be taken anywhere to play with other kids it was because the parents wanted to visit other adults. It never occurred to anyone that kids formally wanted to visit other kids, especially the nice ones, because they didn’t. My adult children will tell you that we have traditionally held to the belief that any structured play time, aside from recess, should be avoided like a root canal. The most fun times are unstructured and spontaneous.
What the modern I Phone Mommies/Daddies (sometimes they are two of a kind) do now is schedule play dates with other like-minded parental units. Then the kids can spend structured fun time together while their parents go to herbal therapy – kind of a play date of their own. The danger here is that it is usually the Mom or stay-at-home Dad who picks the friends to “play date” with. Anyone who doesn’t aspire or presume to be politically correct knows that the best kids to play with are the ones your parents don’t like. Sometimes our kids grow up and marry these people just to get even with you.
What we have here are the seeds of pre-school classism: like-minded parents finding like-minded parents hoping to produce like-minded kids. You never hear of play dates in the ghetto with Shaniqwa and Jovan, or from the barrio having La Gata and Lil’ Rascal over to play leap frog.
A review of Murkoffs book went on to say that, your kids want to make friends, and they should – but they’re not born knowing how to be friends. Sharing, taking turns and playing nice, for example, may not come naturally to your 3 year old. Questions addressed as, ‘Why do I have to share my toys?’ and ‘What if my friend does something I don’t like?’ may help pre-schoolers ideally learn these lessons in actual life. The book serves as a springboard for discussions that may lead to more enjoyable and less cranky play dates?
I am happy to report that I now have pearly white, cavity-free teeth. I also understand why the Democrats won the last Presidential election and may never win another majority decision again.