First Person:
By Al Carlos Hernandez
Back in the day, handshakes for men were a simple procedure. You stuck out your hand, they stuck out their hand and you shook it. But as post modern culture evolved, your handshake became an expression of how hip or square you envisioned yourself to be.
The first incarnation of a subcultural handshake was during the days when you would grab the base of someone’s thumb and they would grab yours. You would move it back and forth like you were both churning butter. This was called a “soul shake.” For Latinos this evolved into soul shake, regular shake, then soul shake again. If you did it wrong or tried to do a formal shake when someone was trying to soul you up, you were considered “Hispanic.” This type of hand jive decorum has caused many a sprained wrist . . . and an occasional stolen wrist watch.
Handshaking is a tradition based on showing the other person that you are not armed and are not afraid to make physical contact. I have noticed, however, that some men have very passive limp-handed handshakes. I believe the reason for this is that crushing someone’s hand is usually taken as an act of aggression and a limp hand poses no threat, unless it is accompanied by a wink and a phone number.
I went to a business seminar and learned that successful business people are taught to give a firm handshake while looking the person directly in the eyes. As you repeat their name, you slowly twist your hand down, causing the other person’s hand to twist in submission. This gives the business person a subliminal edge, demonstrating a certain control and domination over the person you meet. This should also result in a quicker sale, dinner date, or a beat down, depending on your goals and objectives.
The latest incarnation of the contemporary handshake is: a soul shake that goes into a regular shake that goes into finger clasping, a minor tug of war, and then a snap when the fingers are released. Several years ago the hip hop community introduced the fist pound. This is a simple knuckle up and pound straight on, fist to fist. Since its introduction the procedure has seeped into mainstream society and never works for anyone over 30 and/or anyone who owns a suit and tie.
It is indeed awkward when someone sticks out their fist for you to pound and you shake the fist as if you were selecting avocados for purchase. Without fail the guy who fisted tries to shake, the shaker turns fister, and, for the rest of their lives, these two will always greet with a heads-up, no-contact, “What’s up?”
There is a time in life (I don’t know when it happens) when young people start giving you the formal handshake, no matter what, because they think you’re old. Older folks who give young people modern handshakes are oftentimes given the honored OG title: “Original Gangsa” and/or “Old Guy” status. OG’s who give nerdy kid’s hip handshakes, when a formal one is expected, are forced to assume the kid’s diminished status themselves. OG’s that give older square friends modern handshakes and fist bumps are said to have “issues.”
Consistent with the expressive congratulatory theme, the high five should only be done at sporting events and by Black people. A word of advice: if you cannot dance, you cannot high five. I have noticed yuppies (irrespective of race) trying to be cool and high-fiving. It always looks to me like two merging Hitler salutes and always appears stiff, nerdy and disingenuous with a presumed grasp of higher math.
Greeting someone can be a complicated thing and first impressions usually last. When I meet someone, I check for clues as to which handshake to spring on him. It is uncomfortable when you go for the formal and they bend your hand into a pretzel with a regional salutation. Conversely, if you greet a person from another part of the country and you come with West Coast stuff, you end up spraining a finger or being fingered as a cop.
The handshake for Latinos often is a precursor that evolves into an abrazo, a little hug. An abrazo shows affection and respect and had been adopted by most of hip-hop culture. The hug should occur during the finger clasps before the snapping away, and should not last more than two or three seconds. If you are from Oakland and are particularly fond of that person, you can shove them back a few feet.
I am happy that we live in a time when people literally reach out and touch each other in giving respect. I credit Latino culture in showing other cultures the value and sophisticated humanity of giving everyone the respect they deserve by greeting each person in a familial manner.
difficile est tenere quae acceperis nisi exerceas
(It is difficult to retain what you may have learned unless you practice it).